Heath

Expectations, reality & coincidences

October 14, 2014

I wanted 2014 to be my year of change. I needed that so bad, so I had to make some distinctive life changes. I know, 2014 is not over yet, but a lot has already happened, more than in many years before:

– I’ve finally been to London.

– Got a new job. Lost it again.

– Stopped smoking 2 weeks ago!

– My scholarship was approved today… I cannot believe it actually really happened! Finally I’ll have some time to figure out what I really wanna do, because I don’t have to worry about finding a job to pay my bills for the next six months at least. Wow.

– I met someone last Friday night. He seems nice so far and he doesn’t hassle me. He gives me space, but seems to be interested in what I have to say though. He is currently writing his diploma thesis in psychology, we like the same kind of books and movies and he has a nice taste in music. It feels kinda weird. I am not used to this kind of attention, which still makes me feel quite uncomfortable. I don’t really know how to react. I hope I don’t mess it up with my package of fears.

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How strange. We feel guilty when something good happens in our lives as if we don’t deserve it. There’s always this feeling that it cannot last, that there has to be something wrong, there has to be a crack in this clean surface somewhere… But I keep my hopes up this time. It feels like the sun is rising for me.

To be continued.

Lila

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